No More Melting into Oblivion

At what point "inner peace" and "total apathy" are actually the same thing? For weeks I had been desperately trying to stay afloat. I was so angry, sad, and frustrated at my inability to change anything meaningful in my life. Nothing was good, everything was bad and I was alone. I didn't have the life I had envisioned. I was in a job that made me unhappy, and unfortunately for me, couldn't really distance myself from it because I live where I work most of the people I know are just as unhappy. And let's be honest, discontent breeds more discontent. We had all become a sick, sad vicious cycle of perpetual venting and bad mouthing. Soon, discontent turns into sadness, and sadness turns into apathy which breeds... nothing.

In this new year I have decided to make a change. I have decided to face the tunnel and look for the light at the end of it with a smile. 2011 will bring good things, but in order for this to happen it has to start with me. No more feeling sorry about the life I don't have. Or the opportunities I didn't take. Or the job I don't particularly like. This year, I choose to focus on the positive aspects of my life. My wonderful friends. My amazing family. The strength I have developed in what can only be considered a "difficult" year. No more will I melt into oblivion. If this is what my life has handed me then I say, bring it on.

As many of you know, I'm pretty sure that these will be my last six months in KSA. As a result I think that the best use of my time is to take advantage of living here as much as I can. I mean it has been less than a year since I arrived and I have already paid off my two government loans! So, check that off the list. Coming here did that.

This year will be a year of great changes for a lot of people in my life. Some of my dearest friends are getting married, others are having babies, and other like me, are still trying to sort themselves out. In the end however, I think the big thing about the new year is the hope that it brings with it. We all look at the year that has just passed and the countless things that happened in it, the people we met and the decisions we made. We contemplate both the good and the bad and resolve to do better, or more, or different. I look forward to being a part of those big moments and having some of my own.

This year, I resolve to be a better version of me and to smile more often. I will look at everyday as a new adventure to be had and perhaps a new hill to climb. It's time to look at the positive and focus on what you do have control over. Surround yourself with people who are good for you and be brave enough to let go of those that are not.

Oblivion is a state of mind and I want out.