Heartbreak

Why is it that when you need them the most, people seem to disappoint? Whether they be friends, lovers, family or co-workers it seems to me that when the chips are down we just feel totally abandoned by the people who are supposed to care about us most. The question however is how much of this abandonment is actually in our heads. It is possible that when we feel alone we make even the little things seem huge. Everything becomes a personal affront and if the people who love us don't understand, then clearly they must not love us that much.

But at what point did we start to place our happiness in the hands of others? What made that other person the end-all be-all of everything? And at what point did you decide to go along with this? Personally, I think my problem started with my parents. Don't get me wrong they were/are great parents, but my whole life has been centered around making them happy and proud of me. I feel like I have spent much of my nearly 30 years of life trying to ensure that they are pleased, many times in place of me. Sure, like all children I have reached out to my parents when I thought I needed them, but most of the time I just wanted to prove to my parents that all of their hard work had paid off. Somehow I convinced myself that the only way to be happy was knowing that my parents were also happy (about me).

I have always said that I am lucky to have parents that I can talk to. Parents who always have my best interest at heart, who want to see me succeed and who will help me when I need it. However, I have come to very real and very sad realization that sometimes parents can also let you down and actually make you feel worse, instead of making you feel better. Yes, they are human. And yes, they are allowed to make mistakes (I guess) but isn't it terribly disappointing when they do? We feel heartbroken when these heroes, these giants we have spent so much time looking up to become so completely ordinary. We do not love them any less, but perhaps it is in these moments when we start to realize that our happiness really should depend on us and not our parents (or anyone else for that matter).