Creo que por fin entendí que para ser feliz en la vida es necesario vivir sin remordimiento. Si bien hay cosas que pasan que en el momento se piensa que hubiera sido mejor que no pasaran, pero sin esas “equivocaciones” no estaría donde estoy hoy. Y aunque me parece que en este año he pasado por mas momentos no tan buenos, me doy cuenta que gran parte de eso tiene que ver con donde estoy y la persona me que me convertido estando aquí.
Ha llegado la hora (por fin!) de decir adiós la persona malhumorada y cínica que me he vuelto. Yo se que no puedo echarle la culpa a nadie por mis acciones y que lo que me ha pasado lo cause yo y nadie más. También entiendo que hay decisiones que tomé porque no tenía otra opción. Entre una decisión mala y otra traté de tomar la menos mala, pero aunque no necesariamente fue culpa mía, sigue siendo mala decisión. Me deje llevar por sentimientos inútiles de tristeza y soledad. Me convencí que este momento iba a ser más largo de lo que fue, y que por alguna razón yo tenía que llenar ese momento cosas que a la hora de la verdad no importan. He aprendido muchísimo en este año y medio pero tristemente me parece que aunque soy un persona mucho más fuerte de lo que era, también soy una persona menos paciente.
Ahora que estoy diciendo adiós, tengo que reconocer que aunque no me arrepiento de lo que hice si lo tuviera que repetir no hubiera hecho lo mismo. No sé bien que o como cambiaría lo que hice pero me gustaría pensar que de tener la oportunidad hubiera tomar otras decisiones. Me hubiera dado cuenta que esto fue solo un abrir y cerrar de ojos y que yo tenía que pasar por algo así para saber bien que es lo que quiero, o mejor lo que no quiero. Espero que salir de aquí me permita volver a lo que era (pero no del todo). Quiero poder tomar de lo que aprendí y aplicárselo a la persona que era (y espero seguir siendo) cuando no estoy aquí. El año que viene traerá otros muchos momentos y decisiones difíciles y espero que esta locura haya sido temporal y que de ahora en adelante pueda ver mejor que los momentos son nuestros y que solo nosotros decidimos que hacer con ellos y como nos van a afectar.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Family
They say we can't choose our family and I believe this is only partly true. While we cannot choose the parents we are born to or the siblings we do or do not have, we do choose our extended family of friends. The definition of family is not as straightforward as many would have us believe. Family is more than blood, it is shared experiences, feelings and emotions that lead you to become who you ultimately are.
As I quickly wrap-up what has been a whirlwind experience in Saudi (I only have 10 days left!) I think back on the family I have here. Like all families, ours has grown, suffered loss, laughed, cried and ultimately supported each other through thick and thin. My KAUST family of friends has been an unending support group as we all try to waddle our way through our Saudi experience. We have all struggled at times, but were comforted in the knowledge that we were not alone. There are people that care, that look out for us and who will ensure our survival.
It is kind of funny to think of survival in a place like this, but I don't think the use of this particular word is an exaggeration. I was reading a study this week about happiness. It said (not surprisingly) that in order to be happy we should do things and spend time with people that make us happy. It went on to say that this is true in both our personal and professional lives. Our happiness plays a huge role in our overall health and well-being, in essence, it plays a major role in our survival. Which brings me back to my original point, if we are unable to be happy at work (which sadly is the case for many people here) then that is going to influence our ability to be happy overall. This is especially true when you live where you work and simply cannot disconnect yourself from that life. It is during these times that having a family helps most. They are the ones that remind you of all the other things you have to look forward to and be happy about. Surrounding yourself with people you want to spend time with makes even the most difficult times a little bit easier.
In previous posts I have discussed how there are friends who are only meant to be in your life for a specific amount of time. They are the ones who are going to help you through a specific situation or moment in time and will then go on their way. These "passing" friends, however, can still be considered part of your extended family. Just like the uncle you never see, they have still had an influence on you and cared enough (even if it was for a short while) to make a difference, to make you smile when all you wanted to do was cry, to hold your hand when you were scared and to help you through that moment (however long or short it may have been). Sadly, some of those friendships have bitter ends, and we choose to focus on the end rather than what made that friendship special to begin with. As I prepare to say goodbye to another round of friends, to my family, I also want to thank those people who were my friends at one point and are no longer. I choose to remember what made you special to me and not why (or how) it ended.
To my family, words cannot adequately express how much I want to thank each and everyone of you. While you may not all be friends with each other, every one of you has had a profound effect on me. As happens with all families, I know this goodbye is not forever. You are now a part of me and as a result your advice and encouragement will be with me always. Making friends has never been my strong suit, so the idea that I was lucky enough to have such an amazing group of people like you in my life is simply mind boggling. Goodbyes are never easy, so instead I will say "until we meet again," which I hope is very, very soon.
As I quickly wrap-up what has been a whirlwind experience in Saudi (I only have 10 days left!) I think back on the family I have here. Like all families, ours has grown, suffered loss, laughed, cried and ultimately supported each other through thick and thin. My KAUST family of friends has been an unending support group as we all try to waddle our way through our Saudi experience. We have all struggled at times, but were comforted in the knowledge that we were not alone. There are people that care, that look out for us and who will ensure our survival.
It is kind of funny to think of survival in a place like this, but I don't think the use of this particular word is an exaggeration. I was reading a study this week about happiness. It said (not surprisingly) that in order to be happy we should do things and spend time with people that make us happy. It went on to say that this is true in both our personal and professional lives. Our happiness plays a huge role in our overall health and well-being, in essence, it plays a major role in our survival. Which brings me back to my original point, if we are unable to be happy at work (which sadly is the case for many people here) then that is going to influence our ability to be happy overall. This is especially true when you live where you work and simply cannot disconnect yourself from that life. It is during these times that having a family helps most. They are the ones that remind you of all the other things you have to look forward to and be happy about. Surrounding yourself with people you want to spend time with makes even the most difficult times a little bit easier.
In previous posts I have discussed how there are friends who are only meant to be in your life for a specific amount of time. They are the ones who are going to help you through a specific situation or moment in time and will then go on their way. These "passing" friends, however, can still be considered part of your extended family. Just like the uncle you never see, they have still had an influence on you and cared enough (even if it was for a short while) to make a difference, to make you smile when all you wanted to do was cry, to hold your hand when you were scared and to help you through that moment (however long or short it may have been). Sadly, some of those friendships have bitter ends, and we choose to focus on the end rather than what made that friendship special to begin with. As I prepare to say goodbye to another round of friends, to my family, I also want to thank those people who were my friends at one point and are no longer. I choose to remember what made you special to me and not why (or how) it ended.
To my family, words cannot adequately express how much I want to thank each and everyone of you. While you may not all be friends with each other, every one of you has had a profound effect on me. As happens with all families, I know this goodbye is not forever. You are now a part of me and as a result your advice and encouragement will be with me always. Making friends has never been my strong suit, so the idea that I was lucky enough to have such an amazing group of people like you in my life is simply mind boggling. Goodbyes are never easy, so instead I will say "until we meet again," which I hope is very, very soon.
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