The Mis-Independence of women...

I know that there is something to said about not being responsible for your own actions, but how do you learn anything about who you are if you have no liability? I ask this question because of a conversation that I recently had with a colleague of mine. She explained to me that here in KSA women are not liable for anything that they do, their husbands, fathers or brothers are. She told me that at the company that her father had worked in previously to coming to KAUST, a man had been fired because his daughter was being disruptive.

Now, let's think about that for a second. What does that do to the women who are, technically speaking, free to do anything they want because their male counterparts will take the blame? Well as you might suspect, that gives men even more of a reason to control everything that their women do. And the women listen to their men happily. When this same friend and I went shopping I ran into a group of friends who invited us to dinner. I was happy to eat out and eagerly said yes, inviting my friend to come along, she decline but urged me to go on without her. Not really understanding what was going on, I left for dinner with my friends and met up with her later in the evening. On our way home, she explained to me that she had not joined us for dinner because she had not asked for permission. I should probably point out that she is 30 years old and has a masters degree. I was shocked (for lack of a better word). Here was what I considered an educated woman who was still conforming to the rules we might ask of a child.

So it dawned on me that what I had always considered to be one of a best attributes, my independence, was probably seen as a serious flaw in this country. I have always been proud to say that I have taken care of myself and relied on anyone to get me to where I want to go and where I am. Now, I live in a country where I can walk alone, can't catch a cab alone and can't drive simply because I am a woman and can't be trusted to make decisions on my own (that's what men are for apparently).

The land of abayas has many more hurdles that I had originally thought, in fact, the very fact that the abaya is black while the thawb (the male counterpart to the abaya) is white, speaks volumes of how women are seen and see themselves in this culture. Now, I should probably point out that the women that I have talked to all seem happy with the arrangement. But, I will also admit that I wonder if that is because they just don't know any better or if there is something to not being liable for your actions that is actually freeing.

In the end there is something very powerful about culture, both the Saudi culture and my mixed Latino-American fusion culture. Which is better? Who knows.